83Tna
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I’ve been rethinking our discussion about my concerns re: the association my daughter has with the engineer’s new girlfriend. (The Gender changes perceptions of…… whatever)
Anyway – I’ve decided that, over all, you are right. He should be able to spend time with his gf at the same time as with our daughter.
However, I still feel that it would be better for our girl if he spent far more ‘one on one, father daughter’ time with her as opposed to sharing ALL of our daughter’s time in his care with his gf.
I will be telling him this when they get back in town and will only pursue legal avenues if he refuses or lies to me about where she will be again.
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PT11
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I very much doubt that you have any legal avenues to pursue. When fathers who have been charged with domestic violence and assault can get access to custody, then you can forget about suing.
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83Tna
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Replying to @PT11′s >>26837|post:
Whether or not I would win anything in court, they do look very unkindly on such a situation. Just threatening him with court action is likely to get a positive reaction anyway since he earns too much to qualify for legal aid and doesn’t earn enough to be able to defend a suit for full custody. He would still get every other weekend, but that won’t be enough for our daughter.
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Iron Void
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You’re daughter is not a weapon to threaten your ex with. Stop being such a horrible parent and think about your fucking daughter for once. You win full custody and shit then your daughter loses out on a father I can see her just loving you so much for taking her dad out of her life Grow the fuck up and stop being so petty all the fucking time you two are over let him live his life and you go live yours. Unless your daughter is coming home saying she doesn’t like her (she is old enough to be able to speak for herself) then just leave it the fuck alone and stop acting like a jealous menopausal old crow and get on with your own fucking life.
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83Tna
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Replying to @Spooky_Child’s >>26841|post:
Oh,  You have no idea what you’re on about.
My ONLY concern is for my daughter. At least part of the time she spends with her dad is supposed to be ‘quality time’, ‘father/daughter’. NOT shared between her and his girlfriend.
As I said, even the threat of legal action will get a positive response. I would never dream of making it otherwise.
Although, I do agree, it would look like I’m using her as a weapon against him, I do not want her to start resenting him for not giving her, and only her, that time. She needs her father. As the mother of two boys who grew up without their father, I am more aware than most of that fact. It’s not me that’s missing out here – it’s our daughter.
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Iron Void
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Replying to @83Tna’s >>26843|post:
Yea so stop making empty threats or who knows it may backfire and he might see your bluff then who will be laughing?
Surely having that past experience means you should be trying to make it work. There are plenty of people that would just give up in your exs situation and who knows he may just do that then in years to come when your daughter has grown up and has the courage she could ask him ‘why did you leave me?’ and he can just turn round and say ‘your mother was causing to much stress I didn’t want you hurt any more than you need to be.’ then hey shit she hates you for pushing her dad away. Either way you will make yourself the bad guy in this as far as your daughter is concerned.
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Candy Coated Unicorn
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I think you’ll only cause yourself more grief if you take legal action, especially over something so trivial.
You’ve said she has a child of her own, so I would feel confident in assuming they do family activities during their time as a group, rather than shut themselves away in a room and leave her to amuse herself.
One on one time is great, yes, in moderation, I would hope your time with her is not solely one on one.
It’s not up to you how he spends his time with her, the courts will tell you this also, having to share him with others isn’t harmful to her and ultimately, if SHE has a problem sharing her father, then that is something SHE needs to address with HIM.
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83Tna
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I don’t mind him sharing her time with other people so much anymore. It’s that he seems to be sharing ALL the time with other people rather than devoting a half way decent period to her on her own.
That is all I’m concerned about. That she get quality, one on one time with her dad. How much, I guess, we will take professional advice on.
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Anj
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Have you asked your daughter yet, how she feels about the time spent with her Dad..?..Is she happy with the time she has with him, or does he have to follow your idea/rules of time spent with his daughter…?
I have seen kids used as weapons similar to your case..One child killed himself last year due to the back and forth crap between his parents and the other kids are so angry and screwed up…The parents still haven’t learnt…
Parents choose to separate and begin new lives, yet the ex partner wants to dictate all the rules to the other one or use the ‘..I’ll take it too court..’ spiel..I hate seeing kids un-necessarily being hurt because the adults can’t get their shit together…
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Candy Coated Unicorn
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Replying to @Anj’s >>26847|post:
This.
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Linno
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Replying to @Waireka’s >>26848|post:
Ditto.
Besides, I don’t understand how 83Tna can judge the quality of time spent, when she’s not even present. Seems rather unfair.
Also seems like this whole drama will just create (more?) animosity and potentially cause more detriment to the child than just accepting the situation as is, or dealing with her problems in a mature way.
Awesome role-modelling.
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izzi
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What is this planned, structured one on one time with each parent that you speak of? It doesn’t really work that way.
This from Waireka….It’s not up to you how he spends his time with her, the courts will tell you this also, having to share him with others isn’t harmful to her and ultimately, if SHE has a problem sharing her father, then that is something SHE needs to address with HIM.
Is your daughter coming back from time with her father unhappy?
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Sarey
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Replying to @Linno’s >>26849|post:
Not only judge, but dictate how the time is spent. If your daughter isn’t coming home complaining about it when you ask, then there shouldn’t be any problem with how she spends the time with her father.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. If you’re going to allude that there’s more pertinent sides to the story but not reveal them, then expect to have people’s opinions be based entirely on what you do say. Not what you leave out.
This is the sort of shit that I deal with at work everyday and it fucking blows that these kids are wrapped up in the middle of adults who can’t get their shit together.
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Candy Coated Unicorn
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Replying to @izzi’s >>26850|post:
From what 83tna has posted, her daughter very much likes her fathers girlfriend, so one would assume not.
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